Jasmine (stillsearching) wrote,
Jasmine
stillsearching

3rd week shouldn't be hell week.

I had a wonderful weekend (only for it to be followed by a horrible week). I went shopping with the boys. So much good stuff! *melts* And for excellent prices, too. I fear that my supply is running short (must get more!).

My week hasn't been really good. My meeting with a professor on Monday was pretty lame. I was asking him about grad school, and he kind of went off on a tangent. There were so many things I wanted to ask him, but when I get nervous, I just tend to forget. So, our meeting ended up being 10 minutes long. How is 10 minutes supposed to help me decide what to do with my life? Anyway, I think my only chances of getting a post-bac education is at a state school, CSULA, CSUDH... It's just sobering to know that you had so much potential, and now there's no hope. When your family thought that you could've been something great, like a doctor, but now they just want you to find a job, and all their hopes are now put on somebody else. I'd rather be the person who fails in their early years and slaps people in the face with their future success, than the one to just end up disappointing everyone and being forgotten. I have a problem kissing up to professors, or even asking them for help, although I realized that that's what you have to do in order to make something of yourself.

I had an interview with two professors after my meeting with the first, for my field biology quarter to Ecuador. They said that there were 15 spots for 22 applicants. If I didn't have to go as my major requirement, they so wouldn't have picked me. The girl before me was so upbeat, and I could tell she put them in a good mood and gave them awesome responses. When I went in, I said all of the wrong things. I told them that I knew I wanted to do something in conservation biology and was so broad about it. I even told them that I didn't do much research on it, and that was such a lie. I meant to say that I didn't find exactly what I wanted yet, but instead I had to say that. I didn't know what I was talking about, and they knew it. *sigh*

I have a lab practical (exam) today, which I had a nightmare about last night. I'm prepared, but I still dread this class. I'm trying so hard not to fail this class that I'm not paying attention to my other classes, which are supposed to be interesting.

My therapy is the bus. I've been trying to save money, and by doing so, I also get to relax. My therapy is also shopping, though, which pretty much cancels out the bus thing.

Have to go to the zoo this weekend.
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